Tech Olive

After day one of my 48-hour technology blackout,  I was feeling even more optimistic. The first 24 hours were more than bearable and that also meant that I was over the proverbial hump. Passing the halfway point gave me a much needed boost of confidence that I might just pull this off.

Day 2: Sunday, June 27th 12:01 AM. Over the hump and down the hill.

At about 12:03AM, nearing the finale of Max Brooks’ Zombie Survival Guide, I read on until 12:21AM, at which point I decided to hit the bunk early to sleep off as much time as possible, giving myself the best possible chance to actually pull of this convoluted reverse marathon.

I awoke at 11:09AM to the sight of sunlight through the windows and birds singing freely. Yep, another crappy day. My morale was slightly diminished due to the fact that I had dreamed that night of shamefully cracking under the strain and getting on the PC before my 48-hour mark was up. Luckily, this stayed a dream, but it certainly didn’t help my mental attitude. I had just the cure for this: Shower. Ice. Cold.

I know what you’re thinking; “but Tim! That’s two showers in as many days! You’re going to get water poisoning!” While I do appreciate your concern for my well-being, I have built up a tolerance of repeated showers to the point that I can even shower twice in one day without too many adverse health effects.

By this point, it was 11:44AM and I was facing a whole new dilemma: food. It was clearly too late for breakfast, but still too early to have lunch, and besides, that would dictate that I drink another purple Kool-Aid with the meal which is an impossibility as Mom hides them on top of the fridge after the….accident. So, solution? Cornbread pancakes. Yes, you read that right. Cornbread pancakes. Only peasants eat Buttermilk pancakes nowadays.

Moving on from food, I returned to my tower of isolation for more reading. After reading off and on for the next two hours, I get a call from Dad requesting that I join him for a road trip to pick up some chairs that he intended to buy. After drilling him for information, my fears were confirmed: This would require a trek into the great expanse of the world.

The ride to this destination seemed like an endless struggle to avoid sunlight, but we eventually arrived and I was astonished by what I saw. Imagine a huge shipping warehouse filled with tons of high-end furniture covered in leather, chrome, unicorn hair and tons of other material that just screams luxury and exclusivity. Yeah, this place was nothing like that. It was a barn with a ton of old chairs and other crap stuff. Still, it was painless enough and managed to eat a huge chunk of about two hours, which left the timer at about 40 of 48 hours.

Technology’s warm embrace was growing nearer and I could taste it. Speaking of tasting things, shortly after returning home, we headed off again. This time for dinner. Off to the royalty of burgers — Burger King, of course — for yet another grand, nutritious meal. After ordering a number 6 plain, medium, I filled my cup with the glorious clear bubbly magic known as Sprite and sat down to devour my chicken sandwich.

Returning home again, I spent the next few hours not only digesting my recently devoured food, but also reading, eating, wandering around like a zombie, reading more and sewing the finishing touches on my plush Weighted Companion Cube, which is a friend I expect to keep for a long time to come.

To wrap up the day, I headed off to the grocery store with Mom because somebody drank the last of my purple and yellow fruity drink. Sure, I still had a full stock of red, but only chumps drink that.

Returning home with about 2 hours left on the almighty countdown, the suspense was killing me. After pacing, crying, screaming and even going catatonic for an immeasurable amount of time, I sat at my PC watching the seconds tick away towards 12:00AM. Well, as you can imagine, I survived the countdown, powered my PC on and realized I had nothing better to do than report my entire experience to you guys.

What did I gain from the experience? Well, aside from a few gray hairs and a few worry lines on my face, I now know why people are never smiling in old pictures. It’s due to their complete and total lack of entertainment. Before Bill Gates made the world awesome, the best “technology” available was A) The rolling of the newly invented “wheel,” or B) Rides through the cotton fields on the shoulders of your parents’ strongest slave. (Note: The fun factor of this activity is still very much alive.)