Tech Olive

Upon first learning of Gamer Grub, we felt compelled to get our hands on some and report back to our dedicated readers. So, with that, we contacted the boys and girls at Gamer Grub and begged for some free food asked them kindly if we could be given a few samples on which to conduct a series of scientific tests. Also, we promised to eat the Grub.

Upon receipt of the Gamer Grub, we tore its shipping box apart and its sweet contents were revealed. Having been sent a brilliant contrast of their Pizza and PB&J flavors (Gamer Grub also offers BBQ and S’mores), we eagerly laid the testing grounds. The feast testing began at 11:00PM with some good ole Perfect Dark and Goldeneye on none other than the Nintendo 64, but because the actual details of the bash are irrelevant, we will move on and break this review into two parts, focusing on each of the two flavors and then finally coming together for digestion a verdict at the end.

Starting with the safer of the two flavors, we first tore into the Pizza Grub. However, it soon seemed that we had made a terrible miscalculation. While its certainly edible, the Pizza flavor is rather salty and should be eaten slowly because it is rather strong. If you’re still not quite getting it, then let me offer the following story:

Think back to the days when you begged your mom to let you eat just the Kool-Aid powder, without having it diluted with the impurity known as water. Your glory finally came on the day when she broke to your begging, crying, and pleading with “fine, but eat it slowly!” This, my friends, was the best moment of your life. You bolted into the kitchen, jumped with all of your might and managed to grab a packet from the top of the fridge. With the fury of a thousand oxen, you tore the top off the packet apart and in one swift, surgically-precise movement you poured the packet onto your virgin tongue and tried to swallow. As you attempted to swallow, however, this purple pixie dust from hell coated your throat and activated your gag-reflex. This, of course, turned you into a purple fire-breathing badass for about a fraction of a second before you realized that you still can’t breathe.

Long story short: It takes athlete-like conditioning and preparation to be able to just pour it in and nom-nom, but it still remains very edible and enjoyable, just not a favorite from the night of snacking.

Expecting it to follow suit with an overly-sugary taste, we then tore into the PB&J Grub. As anyone whose parents didn’t hate them will know that this flavor’s abbreviated name stands for Peanut Butter and Jelly, with strawberry being the fruit that makes up the jelly.  Shockingly, this flavor actually hits its mark and manages to taste great. Unlike the Pizza flavor, PB&J is much more accessible to those of unconditioned throats and tongues and is quite easy to employ Gamer Grub’s “Tear N’ Tilt” method of consuming their snacks. This method can be practiced by first tearing off the top of the package, breaking the zip-lock seal and tilting the package over your mouth, allowing gravity to deliver a torrent of snacks towards your mouth.

**Above: Not just a brilliantly-crafted smacking combo, but also our infamous Coke Can Comparison size reference.

While their website claims that Gamer Grub is “packed with select vitamins and neurotransmitters supporting fast cognitive performance,” I felt no difference after consuming the tasty treats. Barring all the fancy and hyped names, Gamer Grub is simply a glorified trail mix. This is in no way a complaint, just an observation and something to keep in mind if you’re contemplating purchasing a few for yourself. It should at least paint a vague picture of what you should expect. And it’s also certainly not a snack you can get away with eating if you don’t have a source of hydration in your immediate proximity.

At the end of it all, Gamer Grub is highly recommended for any gamer to try, especially if you’re tired of orange Cheetos fingers or the taste of traditional snacks that the grocery store has to offer. However, its un-traditional nature makes it a little hard to come by, especially if you’re just looking for a quick snack for a short-notice gaming marathon. If you don’t have any on hand, chances are you’ll have to place an order online with the relatively short list of brick-and-mortar retailers that carry the product and this will only cause delays to your gaming event.