Tech Olive

I Could Eat is a feature that showcases a scrumptious snack or drink that we think other geeks and gamers “could eat” (in other words, would greatly enjoy). If you have any snacks or drinks that you think are worthy of an I Could Eat shout out, let us know!

“You’ll spoil your dinner!” Mom cries from the kitchen as I bolt up the stairs to my room, a fresh cache of contraband tucked away in my arms. Seriously? Spoil my dinner? A) This is my dinner and B) This concept of “dinner” was already spoiled when we decided it was gonna be something other than ordering pizza.

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Kids from the hard-knock streets of Sour Patch. You don’t disrespect these gangsters. They’ll tear your mouth up before you get a chance to apologize. Actually, they’ll tear your mouth up no matter what you do because they can’t help it. Some complain about the painful shredding of one’s tender mouth lining, but I say that’s only because your mouth’s lining isn’t manly enough to take the flavor explosion that is a Sour Patch Kid. Also, after a few fistfulls, they have the uncanny ability to make you sweat like a popsicle in the Mojave.

During-Gaming Edibility

Have you ever tried eating sand while gaming? We have too and we all know it just doesn’t work well. Imagine if that sand is as sticky as it is tasty. Congratulations, you’ve just discovered the substance that is the sugary-sour coating of Sour Patch Kids. It’s worse than the classic Cheetos fingers, though I have recently heard of a technique that should make any bit-sized candy into a perfect gaming snack: A bowl and spoon. Eat it like it’s breakfast! Or just eat it for breakfast. It’s your call (milk optional).

How to Eat It

How do you eat Sour Patch Kids? With a firm understanding that your mouth will be shredded finer than most ground beef. The trade off is that you’ll be experiencing one of the very best sour flavors the candy world has to offer, especially if you’re adventurous and eat two Kids at once (no pun intended), mixing the two flavors in your now war-torn mouth for the ultimate flavor experience.

Best Served With…

Be sure to keep a source of hydration handy. Of course, the ultimate question is what drink you should keep handy. I haven’t managed to find anything that outshines anything else when eating these babies Kids. I’ve tried everything from water to Coke. Though one thing I can suggest that I haven’t tried is drinking some nice lotion with skin-restoring properties in it. With how much these tear up your mouth, you’ll need it. Or maybe straight Lemon juice…